see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
