Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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