i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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