fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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