Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
