What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
