honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
