my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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