I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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