So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
