I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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