I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
