I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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