hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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