Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
