he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
