Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
