so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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