just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
