why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
