my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
