dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
