i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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