How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
