these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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