I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
