i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just threw up on my dentist
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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