I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
