i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
