I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
