K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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