he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
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