Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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