I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
