i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
