3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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