I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
