You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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