Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize