you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize