Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
