Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
