U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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