I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
