They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
