1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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