this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
