i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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