I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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