when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am spending my child support on dildos
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
