And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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