We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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