i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The ass gains better be worth it
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