Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
