My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
