Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
