so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
