dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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