I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
