I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
