I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
