69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
