Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
