she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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