I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
